TL;DR
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In a personal essay published by Tiny Buddha, an autistic writer describes reducing the effort he spent masking—imitating social behaviors to appear “normal.” He says the change left him with more energy and supported more genuine relationships, while sensory overload and difficult days remain.
A writer who identifies as autistic says he felt less exhausted and more connected to others after he stopped trying to appear “normal” in social situations. In a personal essay published by Tiny Buddha, he describes years of masking—studying and copying other people’s behavior—and says easing that effort helped him choose more comfortable settings and preserve energy for activities he enjoys.
The writer says he learned to monitor eye contact, facial expressions and conversational habits after being teased as a child for seeming different. He practiced jokes and expressions, and learned to make small talk, describing the effort as an unpaid job that continued throughout his social life. Although he could appear comfortable to others, he says he often returned home depleted.
He describes the toll as gradual: ordinary days left him deeply tired, invitations became harder to accept, and he sometimes canceled plans because he could not face another stretch of social performance. He says he interpreted the exhaustion as laziness or a reason to try harder, even though he now views that pressure as part of the problem.
His changes were practical rather than dramatic. He stopped forcing eye contact that felt uncomfortable, allowed himself to rock or fidget, and began saying he needed quiet without apologizing. He says some friendships changed, while others improved, and that he had more energy for his interests. These are the writer’s personal account; the essay does not present research findings or establish that the same approach will work for everyone.
The essay gives a first-person account of a cost that can be hard for others to see: someone may appear to manage social situations while using substantial energy to monitor and adjust their behavior. The writer says that outwardly seeming fine made it easier for him—and, he suggests, people around him—to miss how tired he felt.
His account also shows why acceptance can involve choices about environments and relationships, not just a change in self-image. He says he now favors quieter settings and fewer, closer social interactions. That is a description of what helped him, rather than advice that autistic people should withdraw or that every social difficulty has the same cause.
For readers, the distinction matters because the essay does not frame autism as something the writer cured. He says he still experiences sensory overload and hard days. His stated change was reducing shame and altering some expectations he placed on himself, not eliminating disability or changing the world around him.
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From Childhood Teasing to Masking
The writer says he did not always have a word for why he felt different while growing up. He recalls being teased and responding by closely observing how other people behaved. He describes learning social rules as if they were instructions to memorize, including when to laugh, how long to hold eye contact and how much to talk about subjects that interested him.
He later uses the term masking for this sustained effort to present a version of himself he believed others would accept. The essay traces a gradual shift rather than a single turning point: he became increasingly exhausted, questioned whether he could keep performing indefinitely, then began changing small habits. The source offers no independent reporting on his diagnosis, personal history or relationships; those details come from his account.
“I had been trying harder than anyone around me for years, and it was breaking me.”
— The writer, in the Tiny Buddha essay
What One Account Cannot Establish
The essay is a personal narrative, not a clinical assessment or a study of autistic people generally. It does not specify when the events took place, how long the changes took, or how the writer’s relationships and daily functioning changed beyond his own descriptions. It also does not identify whether he had professional support or discuss how readers with different needs might approach masking.
The writer says some friendships shifted and others improved, but offers no further details about those relationships. His account cannot establish that reducing masking will have the same effects for other autistic people, or that it will be safe or practical in every workplace, family or social setting.
Small Changes, Without a Timeline
The essay does not announce a program, study or follow-up, and it gives no future milestone. Its closing message is that readers who recognize their own exhaustion do not need to change everything at once. The writer suggests trying one unguarded behavior in a place that feels safe and noticing the response.
Whether those steps are suitable will depend on an individual’s circumstances; the essay does not offer clinical guidance. The development reported here is the writer’s account of an ongoing personal change, and the source does not say whether he plans to publish further updates.
Key Questions
What does the writer mean by masking?
He uses masking to describe copying or suppressing behaviors to appear more socially acceptable, such as rehearsing expressions, managing eye contact and making small talk despite discomfort.
What changes did he make?
He says he stopped forcing eye contact, allowed himself to rock or fidget, and began asking for quiet without apologizing. He also chose quieter activities and smaller social gatherings more often.
Does the essay say masking affects every autistic person the same way?
No. It is one writer’s account and does not establish a universal experience or outcome. The writer describes his own exhaustion and says that reducing the effort helped him.
Did stopping masking resolve the writer’s difficulties?
No. He says he still has hard days and experiences sensory overload. He describes less shame and different ways of responding, not a complete end to those difficulties.
Source: tinybuddha.com
